Nurture the Nurturer: 9 Self-Care Tips for Mothers
Motherhood is a tremendous gift. To care for the life of another is an honor and privilege to be cherished. If your children are already adults, perhaps you look back upon your years of raising children with great joy and a deep sense of gratitude for the memories. If you are currently in the trenches of the little years with your children, you may be able to look past the messy chaos for a moment and appreciate the wonder of the little feet running around in your house – they see you as the greatest. No matter which stage of mothering you’re in, the rewarding connection between a mother and her child is unlike anything else in this world.
The Toll of a Mother’s Emotional Labor
Yet, motherhood is also really hard work that is often thankless and frequently exhausting. Parenting young children is physically demanding. Babies, toddlers, and preschoolers require constant attention and depend on a safe, trusted adult to meet ALL of their needs. The feeding, changing, rocking, carrying, buckling, and watching never stops. These days are sweet, but they are so very long.
As kids get older, they usually require less physical work but present a whole host of emotional challenges. As a mom, you’re thinking through school assignments and extracurricular schedules. You balance listening and advice-giving as your child navigates friendships and relationships with significant others. You wonder if you’ve set a good example for how to manage conflict and if you’ve instilled important values like kindness and generosity.
So a chief reason why many moms are so tired can be summed up in two words: emotional labor.
Emotional labor is the work of caring for a family and managing a household. It’s the largely invisible caregiving task that keeps a family unit running. Studies have shown that women who feel overly responsible for household management and parenting are less satisfied with their lives and partnerships.1 A mom’s emotional labor may be reflected by her constantly evolving mental to-do list, which probably looks something like this:
- Send your niece’s birthday card by next Tuesday
- Schedule your child’s annual physical now (because you know the appointments will be booked during the couple of weeks before school starts)
- Switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer before the toddler wakes up from their nap
- Text the babysitter where the extra stash of wipes are because the wipes by the changing table are almost out
- Re-fill the emergency snacks in the car and restock the extra change of clothes before you head out for the day trip to the lake on Thursday
- And more…
A quick note for dads before we go any further:
Yes! Fathers participate in household work. More so than in any previous generation, in fact. And the great majority of fathers love and care deeply about their families and work very hard to help the family unit run smoothly. Statistically speaking, though, women still do the majority of household work and caregiving, even if they work full time outside the home. It is for this reason that we are focusing specifically on the burdens of motherhood and self-care tips to alleviate some of these stresses.
Why Self-Care for Mothers Really Matters
So, what can moms do to prevent the stress that comes from this kind of emotional labor? How can they combat fatigue? Avoid overwhelm?
The short answer: practice self-care.
Self-care means taking care of your needs – the physical, emotional, social, and spiritual aspects of your being. It means putting on your own oxygen mask before attempting to help those around you. It means not always putting yourself last on the list of priorities for the day or week. Self-care means listening to and respecting the ways your body and mind alert you when something is off. When headaches, brain fog, and fatigue set in, you may need to consult your physician … or you may simply need a tall glass of water and a good night’s sleep. When your mind races as you go to bed, that’s a red flag for needing to loosen your schedule. You need more rest and downtime.
Regular, sustainable self-care is the best way you can proactively protect your mental health and care for your family. So, here are 9 self-care tips for mothers.
9 Self-Care Tips for Mothers
1 – Get Moving
Researchers have known for a long time that physical activity promotes improved physical and mental health. Regular exercise contributes to improved mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood. It also helps improve self-esteem and cognitive functioning.2
The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) suggest you aim for 150 minutes of exercise per week, or 30 minutes per day.3 It’s OK if you need to break up the half-hour of physical activity into shorter chunks. Some days, you might make it out for a sunrise jog. Other days, you might take a 10-minute power walk with your baby in the stroller, do a free YouTube workout at home after the kids are in bed, or attend a gym class during your lunch break at work. Any form of exercise that is feasible for you and that you enjoy will work. The point is to move more and sit less.
2 – Eat A Balanced Diet
Everyone’s dietary needs are different, but you know what it feels like when you have a breakfast bar and two cups of coffee in the morning and nothing else until dinner 12+ hours later. (Dizzy headaches, anyone?)
Just like exercise, the foods we eat have a powerful effect on both our physical health and emotional wellbeing. As a mom, you probably already take the time to plan nutrient-rich meals and pack healthy snacks for your children. Do the same for yourself! Rather than scooping up leftovers or snagging a bite of fast food, pack yourself a healthy lunch and plenty of snacks to nourish you throughout the day. Your body and mind will thank you.
[Learn more about our intuitive-eating and nutrition-assisted therapy groups here.]
3 – Get Adequate Sleep
Up a few times at night with a new baby? Trying to squeeze in personal time before work so you can be present with your kids when they get home from school? We get it. Sleep can be a rare commodity as a mother.
Try anyways.
Losing sleep for short seasons is an inevitable part of being a parent, but chronic sleep deprivation doesn’t have to be. When you prioritize your sleep health, you are prioritizing your physical and mental health, too. Most adults need about 7 hours of sleep per night. Achieving this more often than not will help you think more clearly and have more bounce in your step throughout the day, whether you’re chasing toddlers or leading board meetings (or both!).
4 – Stay Hydrated
Have you ever felt more sluggish after trying to caffeinate yourself through the mid-afternoon lull? (Or worse, a pounding headache and trouble sleeping that night?) Next time, try gulping 8 ounces of water instead. Staying properly hydrated throughout the day will help you feel energetic and focused.
Drinking enough water during the day is a fairly easy self-care tip. Just fill a reusable water bottle and carry it with you as you go about your routine. Refill as needed. The Institute of Medicine recommends about 13 cups of fluid for men and about 9 cups for women.5
5 – Make Time for ‘Me’ Time
Establish a consistent routine of ‘me’ time each day or week. Devoting uninterrupted time to your personal needs and interests will help you feel like a whole person, not only a mom.
In some seasons of motherhood, ‘me’ time might be just 20-30 minutes before your children wake up to journal, pray, read, and be quiet. When children are older or in school, you may have time to pursue personal goals or enjoy longer outings.
Some families find a good rhythm in setting aside one dedicated time per week for each partner to pursue a preferred activity, like a local hike, painting, or enjoying a coffee date with a friend. For example, Mom goes for a trail run every Tuesday between 4-6pm and Dad works on his music in the garage on Saturdays during the kids’ nap time.
The point is to create a protected time that is rarely canceled so you can take your ‘mom hat’ off and pursue your own interests.
6 – Declutter Your Space
The physical space you live in has an effect on your mood. To limit your sense of overwhelm, try to pick up a little at a time as you go throughout your day or as your children move from one room to another around the house. This way, you don’t feel like the house is a disaster at the end of each day.
Finish a meal? Take two extra minutes to put the dishes away so they don’t pile up in the sink.
Preparing to leave the house to go to the park? After you pack the kids’ lunches, wipe down the kitchen counter and table before you head out.
Kids want to go swimming after lunch? Ask (require) them to put away laundry before you all go swimming.
7 – Limit Technology
Just as you work to keep your physical space cleared of clutter, do the same with your technology. Turn off all non-essential notifications on your phone – especially those that alert you to tiny changes on your social media apps.
Consider implementing one tech-free or social media-free day per week. For moms especially, it is so easy to get wrapped up in the comparison trap when scrolling. To avoid negative thinking patterns and the tendency to see the lives of others as more interesting, more adventurous, or more beautiful than our own, simply turn it off.
8 – Set Boundaries
Think of boundaries as your personal guardrails that protect your family’s well-being and your own sanity. Boundaries help you say no (even to something that is good) so that you can say yes to what’s best. Only you and your family can decide what’s best.
Hold a family meeting periodically or at natural transition points, like the beginning of a school year. Maybe you decide that your family needs to reconnect after a busy summer of traveling and sports activities, so this fall you make it a family rule that everyone eats dinner together Monday – Thursday nights. Or, perhaps, as a homeschooling mom of young kids, you recognize this is not the season to start a side hustle business or step into a new volunteer role.
9 – Protect Your Marriage
If you have a partner at home, prioritize quality time and intentional conversation. Every single week. (Every day, if possible!) Your spouse is the one who will be there after the kids are grown and leave the house. Your spouse is your closest confidant, your emotional support, and your trusted lifeline. So protect your marriage and prioritize date nights, deep conversations, and intimacy.
And remember, it’s OK if date night is simply a specific night at home eating a shared meal together, taking time to enjoy each other’s company and check in about the week.
The point is to be together.
Conclusion
Practicing regular, sustainable self-care will make a world of difference in your life. Adversity and challenging days won’t disappear, but you will have the emotional bandwidth and physical reserve to handle stress with confidence.
For some, challenges run deeper than a good night’s sleep or a long walk in the woods. When symptoms of stress begin to interfere with your daily functioning or persist for 2-3 weeks with little or no relenting, it might be time to get some help. You can try reaching out to a faith leader or mentor if you have one in your life. Or, consider therapeutic options.
At Advenium, we offer more than 30 therapeutic groups that serve children, adolescents, and adults experiencing mental health challenges – including the stress, burnout, depression, and anxiety that many mothers feel.
Ready to learn more about one of our groups? Curious if group therapy could work for you?
References
- Arizona State University. (2019, January 22). Invisible labor can negatively impact well-being in mothers: Study finds women who feel overly responsible for household management and parenting are less satisfied with their lives and partnerships. ScienceDaily. Retrieved June 27, 2021 from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/01/190122092857.htm
- Sharma, A., Madaan, V., & Petty, F. D. (2006). Exercise for mental health. Primary care companion to the Journal of clinical psychiatry, 8(2), 106. Retrieved June 28, 2021 from https://doi.org/10.4088/pcc.v08n0208a
- Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC). (2020, October 7). How Much Physical Activity Do Adults Need? Retrieved June 28, 2021 from https://www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/basics/adults/index.htm.
- Dietary Guidelines for Americans, 2020-2025. Chapter 1: Nutrition and Health Across the Lifespan. Retrieved June 28, 2021 from https://www.dietaryguidelines.gov/sites/default/files/2020-12/Dietary_Guidelines_for_Americans_2020-2025.pdf#page=31
- WebMD. (2020). How much water should I drink daily? Retrieved June 28, 2021 from https://www.webmd.com/diet/how-much-water-to-drink#1.